Recollections

Today in my small town we had a festival and parade called the “Pear Blossom”, we celebrate spring and the arrival of the pear blossoms that surround us in our tiny valley. For an outsider it’s really not a big deal, but it’s because of these blossoms that our town has any sort of economy. Pears are what created my hometown, in fact my high school mascot was the Riviera Pear until like the 1980’s when they realized how embarrassing it is to cheer for a dancing pear and changed it to a only slightly more ferocious pirate.

I marched in the Pear Blossom Parade for about 8 years, in middle school and high school, and have attended it many, many times. Each time since graduating I look at those kids in the uniforms that I used to wear year after year and it makes me think back to what I thought about myself then and where I thought I would end up at 22. I can truthfully say I’m not where I thought I would be, not that I’m disappointed in myself, just that what I had thought when I was their age was completely different from what reality is. I guess it just really caught up with me that I’m not who or where I ever thought I would be and most of that is fine, but there are some things that I have had the hardest time letting go. Things that as a child I thought I would never have given up, that I would never have stopped fighting for, yet in my adult life they have been placed on the back burner or even further back where they never should have been placed.

Many of those things are goals and dreams that I had just given up on because they seemed to have eluded me and that the opportunity would never present it’s self. Some I found apparently weren’t as important to me any more because of whatever reason, and now as an adult I’m sad to have seen those things lose priority in my mind. I guess that’s just life.

Thinking back, remembering things that I shouldn’t have let go, it made me realize that we need to write down everything that we want, dream, and set goals for. We should never let these things become lost in the moment or to time in general, looking back and thinking on the things we allowed ourselves to miss or give up on, those regrets, they don’t help push us forward. Then again there are things that because we missed out on them we actually were able to set ourselves and become more than we were. For me that was dating in high school. I never dated, and because of it I graduated in the top 20 of my high school glass with honor’s classes and 5 credits more than I needed to graduate. Then I found an amazing young man who has put up with me for 3 years and continues to, all this because I didn’t get distracted.

I had a good long drive to think and try to remember all the things that I had planned for my life way back then in middle school, but as hard as I tried, there were very few memories of what I had thought of what my future could be. I wish I had been better at keeping track, keeping a record or a list even that changed when ever it would change, adding to it when I came across something new that I wanted from life and for myself. So if I ever seem lengthy in what I write or nonsensical, please forgive me. I just don’t want to miss out on something that may be important to me now and never remember it later. I want to be able to recollect the dreams and goals I set so that I can actually achieve them.

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